Steps

I don't leave the house. 

I rarely get out of bed before noon. 

There was a time when I took somewhere between 8,000 and 10,000 steps a day. I know, because I have a step counter I used to put in my pocket just to give me an idea how active I was being... but I haven't used it since William died.

This week, I found it and put it in my pocket, just for chucks and giggles.

Do you know how many steps I averaged a day this week?

600

That's not a typo. That's six hundred, not six thousand.

It doesn't just feel like everything has stopped... it really has. I'm not going anywhere, I'm not doing anything. It's three in the afternoon on a Saturday, I haven't showered or eaten, and I'm still in a dark room sitting on my bed doing basically nothing.

I thought I knew what depression looked like before this happened.

I had no idea.