Saturday, June 5, 2010

End of the Road

We have decided to stop trying.

It's not a decision I came to easily. Really, I think the decision was made for me, and I was the last one to notice. I'm not in control - of my body or my life or anyone's life. It just isn't up to me.

Still, reaching for a golden ring and missing, again and again, just hurts too much.

Eventually, even I realize when I'm banging my head against a wall.

I wish it felt better to stop, as it does with walls and heads. But so far... no luck. Just more hurt.

Yeah, I should be used to it by now.

20 comments:

Hope's Mama said...

Really, there are no words. But I will say how very sorry I am. I always thought that ending your childbearing years on a loss (or more than one loss) would be so very cruel.
Love to you.
xo

ines said...

Hey, wrapping my arms around you and sobbing with you, the pain is just raw and the grieving starts all over again. I'm sorry.

Lot's of love
Ines

Liz said...

i am so sorry mama. i want a rainbow baby for you so badly. there really arn't the right words. i am just so sorry.

ezra'smommy said...

Wishing it was so very different. Big hugs

Imp said...

{{{HUGS}}}

Beth said...

no words. just hugs. you and william are always in my heart.

Well-Rounded Mama said...

Many, many, many hugs.

Shannon Ryan said...

Oh Dawn :( Lots of hugs coming your way.

caitsmom said...

I am just so sorry. Wishing it were different. Peace.

JM said...

I'm so sorry.

Emerging Butterfly said...

This post aches in my being....words that I can hear as my own though I've been unable to say them.

I hear you. feel you.

Sending you mounds of love right now, and always. always.

bir said...

Big, big companionable hugs. Thinking of you and William, and wishing you gentle days along the way...

Anonymous said...

Oh, Mama- I hope peace envelops you with this new decision. And God works in mysterious ways- making the decision to NOT try could be exactly what your mind and body needs. As always, you're in my thoughs and prayers.

loribeth said...

I'm sorry. I know what a difficult decision this is to make. Sending you (((hugs))).

Funsize said...

The universe can be so cruel and unfair. I wish things were different for you, you deserve better. I'm so sorry momma.

Michele said...

oh hon... I'm so sorry...

Hannah Rose said...

I'm so sorry.

Ali said...

I wish I could take away the hurt. So sad for you ((hugs))

Fireflyforever said...

I have been out of the loop for a while and am just now catching up but I couldn't just read and not comment.

I am so sorry. I wish with all my heart it could be otherwise.

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