On Halloween, I walked the neighborhood with Vampiress and the Grim Reaper, all too aware of how light I felt. Last year I was pregnant, and my pelvis felt soooo heavy walking the streets. I was exhausted after our night of trick or treating last year.
This year I wasn't pregnant. This year, I should have been pushing a fat pumpkin in a stoller, but I wasn't.
And then November 1 was the seven month anniversary of William's death. All Saint's Day. My first son's birthday followed on November 2. He turned sixteen.
And life just keeps moving.
My husband always says, "Well, that's better than the alternative."
Hm. Maybe. There are days I wonder.
6 comments:
me too...
Every holiday hurts...even Halloween. I'm so sorry. :(
i miss you…
I wonder that alot too. I am dreading Christmas this year. I should be bundeling up a 2 month old to go out in the snow and celebrate the holidays. Every holiday will be an adjustment for us from now on. It sucks and its not fair, but you have all of us baby loss mama's our here in blogland to vent to. That brings me a little comfort at least, knowing that Im not alone. Hugs!
Depends your perception of the alternative...I feel so empty, too. what should be...
My first Halloween without my son sucked. He was supposed to be a football, I was going to be a cheerleader, and my husband the football player. I just went through the motions.
Some days, I still just go through the motions.
xo
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