January 2009, I was pregnant with William. I turned thirty-nine. It looked to be a truly lovely year.
February 2009, my father had a stroke and died.
April 2009, William was stillborn.
September 2009, we were pregnant again. And then we weren't.
November 2009, deja vu. Positive pregnancy test and then...
January 1 2010. William has now been dead as long as he was alive in my womb. Gone, really, really gone.
I don't know what 2010 has in store for us, but my resolution this year is "Accept and Surrender." I've been brought to my knees enough, I think, I should just stay there.
13 comments:
Here's hoping that 2010 starts to turn around for you and your family. My heart goes out to you.
I hope that 2010 brings you peace and joy. xo
I hope 2010 is a wonderful year for you.
They say you can only go up once you have hit the very bottom. May 2010 be nothing but ups sweet lady...truly.
Maybe being brought to one's knees is a little bit like the sensation of a big contraction in labor. You're right when you say "maybe I should just stay here" in some ways because if it is like labor, then going with the sensation is conceivably more likely to lead to...well peace, somehow.
Is that odd or am I making sense?
But perhaps instead of being on your knees, roll over and sit, with your legs relaxed. Put your hands on this Earth and feel her warmth deep inside; feel her life force going through you. Open up to it. Let it in. Surrender...
Life will always prevail. Nothing can stop it. Life will come to you and reside within you. At this very moment, you carry inside you half of all of your future children... That thought kept me going as we tried to make new life after losing Josie.
*MUCH love and MANY hugs* to you, mama XxXxX
i'll just stay on my knees with you.
On your knees, flat on your face, on your back, sitting down, standing up.
As long as there is a breath in you and your heart is still beating I'm with you. Maybe that's the beauty of our online relationship, It doesn't really matter which way we are, we're here for each other. I'm with you, Inanna, missing William.
lots of love and peace and strength to you and a big, big hug.
xxx Ines
with peace and hope and love...
Truly hoping that 2010 brings the acceptance and surrender but also joy and peace and so many good things.
2009 was hard... Here's hoping that 2010 is better and that you get that acceptance and surrender in your life.
praying 2010 is full of hope and love for you.
"Accept and surrender." God, sounds easier said than done. You've had a rough year. Wishing you a new and improved 2010. Thinking of you and William.
I wish that the past year would have been better for you. I pray that you find some hope. That is what I am doing just praying for hope.
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