The second "William Reborn" - the sleeping one - is home. We chose the Tamie Yarie "Kaelyn" sculpt, and I have to say, Marilyn Kangas, the artist who "reborned" (rebirthed?) William, did such an amazing job. I was simply speechless when I saw him.
Here's my sweet little man...
And a picture of "William Reborn" sleeping...
William
William Reborn
Z. looking at William Reborn
Z. holding William Reborn
William Reborn
I remember M. bringing William's ashes back from the funeral home, and his relief in that moment - that William was home. But that wasn't my baby. An urn was cold comfort to me. My baby was now ash and bone - what was left? What was left for me to hold?
Several amazing and kind friends gave me a memory necklace, bracelet, keychain... and I wear them, every day, I wear them. And still, it's just not enough.
Gana the gorilla wouldn't let anyone take her baby. Brave girl. Brave, brave girl. I wish I'd growled and threatened and run. But I didn't. My baby was taken. Mine was taken from me, and somehow I feel as if some process of mourning was interrupted. I needed my baby, I needed to hold him and grieve him, perhaps even see his body decompose, to realize the finality of my loss. I never got that - and I won't. Ever.
I can, however, cradle this William - reborn - and hold my memory in my hands. The weight of him - the weight of the world - all and nothing. He is so like William, and he is not. It eerily mirrors my experience of birthing William. I had him...but I didn't. Here...and gone. So real...but not.
Such a painful paradox, holding both of those things at once, in my arms...in my head...in my heart.
9 comments:
It really is an incredible likeness.
The time we have with our lost babies is too, too short. A tiny urn, a teaspoon of ashes... it will never be enough.
Lots of love xx
He's really beautiful! I would love to get a Josie reborn one day :)xxx
Your William reborn is just beautiful, as was he.
So glad this is allowing you more time with you memories... sweet thoughts...
The likeness is remarkable. Beautiful...
reading this has made me grateful that i did get to see matthew start to decompose a little. i still needed more, even more to make it easier to push him away and be done holding him. gosh, i thought i was feeling better today but revisiting this is making me so sad again, just so sad.
i am SO glad that you have this second doll. why did you decide to have two? was it just the obvious- one that was sleeping like he was and one that was awake so you could imagine what he would have been like? i imagine choosing between eyes closed or open would be really, really hard.
The likeness of this doll to your little William is amazing.
Wow. Am I reading right? This was a premade doll that a woman painted to look like William?! Im speechless. The likeness is amazing. What a beautiful reborn William!
About getting two... I found the "Kaelyn" sculpt first (the sleeping one) but it was backordered several months. I decided to wait (I'm not Ms. Patience, tho... *ahem*) and in the interim, I found the "Baby Love" sculpt (the eyes-open one) and just KNEW it was William... that was as close as I could imagine he would look if he'd lived. I saw it and just had to have it. So yes, now I have one that is very like him when he was born and another that seems more like him after a month or so earthside, if he'd made it...
Lindsay, yes, "reborning" is a whole process... My first post here about reborns gives more detail about how it's done.
Post a Comment