Captured

Last night, I dreamed I gave birth.

I was home alone, and the baby was coming. I went into the bathroom, contracting, knowing birth was imminent, and someone had purchased me an emergency birth kit. Except it came in the exact same type of box I'd received as William's "memory box." Inside were all the things a birth kit usually contains... cord clamps, the little hat... but I also noticed there was a disposable camera inside. I was just delighted. How smart, I thought, for someone to think of that!

How full circle... of course you want to take pictures of your living, wiggling, crying baby... to hold that memory... everything so fleeting... of course you'd want to take pictures of your dead one... to hold that memory... everything so fleeting...

It can't be captured. It can't be held. Everything is nothing. Dust through our fingers.

A memory box. A birth kit. Life. Hope. Death. There is no difference, no end, just beginnings, again and again.