Saturday, June 13, 2009
Reparations
I'm thinking things I shouldn't be thinking. I'm frankly ashamed of myself for thinking them.
But I can't help it.
Today, I read a story about AIG not paying claims to folks who survived that astonishing crash-landing into the Hudson several months ago. At first, that sounds heinous. Why wouldn't they pay for the suffering of these folks, who went through a harrowing ordeal and thought they were going to die?
Well, it turns out that airline insurance goes into effect only when liability is established. In other words, if the airline was negligent, they pay. If they weren't negligent, they don't have to pay.
I'm not sure whether that's right or wrong - and I hate insurance and the concept of insurance in general just on principle. But what got to me were the quotes from the woman who scrambled over seats holding her infant son, looking back at her husband holding her four year old daughter above the level of water seeping into the plane.
Yes, it was scary and I'm sure they are suffering from some aspect of post-traumatic stress disorder. I'm sure they thought they were all going to die.
But they didn't.
They're still here. They're still breathing. That woman still holds her baby every single day, hears him cry, gets to see his eyes open. But she's complaining about the medical bills coming in, because they have a $3000 cap on their mental health insurance, and they're seeing therapists for their PTSD symptoms.
"Why should we be paying out of pocket?" she said. "That's why they're there. They're the insurer."
Really?
Is that the world's tiniest violin I hear playing?
Sure, I wish I had someone I could blame this on. I wish it could be that easy. I wish I'd been on that plane instead of birthing a dead baby. I wish I'd held my son as I scrambled over the seats and was dealing with PTSD from that - while I nursed him. Really.
I want to tell her - be grateful, lady. It could be a hella lot worse.
And ya know, I know it, too, for myself. I could have had to make the horrifying decision to end my child's life, like some parents I know who have been thrust into deadbabyland. I could have lost my son when he was 3 months to SIDS. I could have lost my entire family in some terrible accident.
But I'm not sueing doctors and midwives and demanding payment from insurance companies in my grief - and believe me, my PTSD leaves me shaking after long outtings where I have to be with people for too long.
I'm dealing with the same symptoms this woman is... the same fears of the unknown, the loss of safety, the anxiety...and in my judgment, a much bigger loss and grief. I actually lost someone I loved.
But she thinks she's entitled. That's what gets me. She thinks she's entitled to some sort of payment or reparations for her suffering. Why? Because a bunch of birds flew into a plane engine, and a pilot landed the plane safely? Everyone lived. Who's to blame for that? Should the insurance company pay for an act of god where the outcome was more than acceptable - it was fucking miraculous!
If so... then which company is responsible for my son's death?
Where's my bailout?
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7 comments:
In our grief, it is easier to say "At least you still have your baby". I know I've thought it and still think it. But in my judgments, I strive to remember that I dont know their life, just as they dont know mine. For me to judge their issues by my standard of "at least your baby lived" is no fairer to them than the parent of an older child who died of an illness saying "at least your baby died as an infant and didnt suffer."
But it does hurt. And, in our deep grief, I think that what you are feeling is completely normal. We all would have done anything, hell or highwater, to save our babies. In that light, it is hard to see anything else as an "at least you have..." frame of mind.
Sending you warm thoughts and love.
I've had similar thoughts here recently with all the bushfires we've just had (in Victoria, Australia). Billions of dollars were raised for the victims and they are all getting hefty payouts. I mean this is good. Especially for those unfortunate to lose loved ones, or in some cases, multiple loved ones. But some did just lose their house. Just a house. Yes to them, that is the worst thing that has ever happened to them. But it was just a house. I would burn my house down a thousand times over, to have her back. The worst thing happened to us, but we wont be given a cent by anyone. It seems when tragedies happen on a grand scale (not that you can really call the plane crash a tragedy, no one died) more people take notice, more gets done. But we all suffered our tragedies alone, so we have to suffer in silence. Just another way that our babies are so invisible.
I hear exactly what you are saying Inanna. It is so frustrating.
It all comes to perspective, pain is relative. However, living without a child- an act that goes out of order in nature, and always having questions about what could have been, what should have been, is possibly the worst way to live. Because, you can always take another way to travel, but you can never escape the questions of what could have been, and you can never escape being around children.
4 months ago the son (nearly 4 at the time) of friends of ours was hit by a car while they were on holidays and the little boy suffered multiple injuries (fractured scull, pelvic, collar bone). He was airlifted by helicopter to the nearest hospital was in a coma for little over a day and then in intensive care for a few more days. But the little guy bounced back and made a near enough full recovery. All bones have healed no brain injury he's back running, cycling, climbing like all 4 year old boys.
A few weeks later the bill for the airlift arrived. The insurance only covers 1/3 of the actual fee (they are left with an excess of about $3000). And now the dad is moaning about the bill and how he doesn't think he should have to pay it and is not paying it (yet?).
And I am cringing because they have the money they are not poor, they even got a gift from the grandparents to cover it. And I'm thinking, PAY the fucking bill!! Your son is alive because they saved him, the airlift made all the difference! Be grateful, he lives, is healthy and happy. And you have the damn cash!!!
But they seem to have forgotten to be grateful and money matters again.
Some people just amaze me. Its all about money, not about lives anymore. What amount of money, if any, would satisfy her? I know there isnt an amount yet created that would bring my son back, so inturn none that would make me happy.
This hit a nerve with me. I agree with your take on this completely.
Me, too, Emily. I'm sorry that the family was traumatized--and going down in a plane would certainly keep me up at nights and make me wonder bout flying again--but it Effing Could Be Worse.
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