Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Death Dream

I dreamed he died.

The night before we lost his heartbeat, I woke up from a dream that William was born dead.

I dreamed I was in the birthing tub, in our bathroom, and I pulled the baby up and knew he wasn't breathing. The midwife reached for him, but the cord was still attached and I couldn't hand him to her. It was a very short cord. He was lifeless in my hands, floppy, and I knew he was dead, and she wouldn't be able to save him.

I woke up shaking and got up to pee. Just a dream, I told myself. Just a dream.

Now I'm dreaming the nightmare onward - wide awake.

5 comments:

Hope's Mama said...

Oh what an eerie dream. I am so sorry you are living this reality now. Its not fair.

still life angie said...

a complete full body, conscious nightmare. sending you some ((hugs))

Heather said...

At two months pregnant I had a very vivid dream that I was going into labor at 6 months gest. and that the baby died.

My son was stillborn 2 days before his 6 month gest.

Those blasted nightmares. Makes you paranoid of every one you have now.

Shannon Ryan said...

I'm so sorry your dream became reality..it just sucks!

missing_one said...

*hugs* Sometimes we just know. I cried in my bedroom the morning Jessica died. I didn't know why I was crying or why I felt so damn sad. She was still moving then. We chalked it up to hormones.
When I woke up from my nap that afternoon, I knew but didn't want to believe it. I thought I was being crazy but came in anyways...sure enough..