You don't know what you've got until it's gone. That's the phrase, right?
Well, sometimes you don't know what you've been missing, until it comes back, and you realized why you weren't really missing it so much...
William gave me the gift of being migraine-free for nine months.
Thank you, baby.
Today, the migraines are back - with a vengeance. I can barely move my head.
Might be the weather. Horribly dark and rainy here. But probably the hormone shift.
And crying - either from grief or physical pain - so does not help a migraine. I can't win.
So now I'm in a dark, quiet room, waiting for the meds to work. It's been an hour and if I could remove my head and hand it over to someone else at the moment, I would. Just to stop the pain. I forgot how bad it could get. And I forgot to appreciate being migraine-free when I had that time, in the three seasons I spent with William, and to thank him for the lovely hormone shift that left me blissfully without that horrible pain.
I miss being pregnant and pain-free (at least, in the migraine department...)
But I would give my head on a platter to have him back again.
5 comments:
I read your entire story yesterday and cried. Our labours were so, so similar. Days and days on end, contractions all night which slowed and almost stopped at day. Days on end of confusion with a nagging feeling something might be wrong. And we were right, but just too late.
I am just beyond sorry for the loss of sweet William. You are incredibly brave, I can't believe how soon you started blogging after your loss.
My heart is with you on this journey. You are not alone.
Sally
oh, grief is so so hard on the body.
Get a massage when you are up to it. They have saved me, and looking back, I should have gotten more. They are considered a medical/mental health expense in our household.
Yes, it almost certainly was the hormone flood. But damn, Dear One, that's just One More Effing Thing you don't need.
I agree very keenly with Ya Chun for so, so many reasons.
"They are considered a medical/mental health expense in our household."
I just wish they were considered that by my insurance! :)
Greif is so hard on you, physically and mentally. Sometimes the mental grief is so strong it shows itself physically. I succumbed to vicodin to help ease my body pains (and grief pangs), maybe you can ask your doctor for some too?
((hugs mama))
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