My father passed away February 13, 2009, six weeks before William was born dead. My dad's one regret was that he wouldn't see his last grandson born. Today is my dad's birthday.
M. said he was almost glad my dad wasn't here for the birth, considering what happened.
My sister said, "Dad was so excited about that little baby, and he got to see him first, up in heaven." My other sister agreed, "Well, at least that's a blessing."
I guess I'm a little more selfish than they are. I wanted my dad to see William. And after my father's stroke, and that particular dream disappeared with my father's last breath, I wanted William to live on, a little legacy named after him. That dream, too, died before little William even took his first breath.
No, I can't count my blessings. My baby is gone. And I can't even momentarily turn back into a little girl and cry in my father's arms, "It's not fair!"
Not fair.
No. Not even close.
12 comments:
nothing about it is fair. and no matter how much time passes and makes you feel more 'normal' again.. that will always be the constant - NOT FAIR!
no. it is absolutely not fair. so much loss to endure. we lost my father in law three weeks before lucy. then my grandmother two months after. the grief on top of grief, it is cruel as well as unfair. thinking of you as you remember your father today.
It is not fair, not matter how we (or well-meaning others) try to reason it. It will never seem fair or reasonable.
It's not fair, but I agree with your family... He did get to see and know him. We think about this a lot with our grandparents who have died... They never saw our children on earth, but we fully believe they love and play with one another now, in another, beautiful place.
It must be comforting to have those beliefs, I understand why your sisters would hold on to that. But I don't think it's selfish to want your baby here with you, and I don't think it's selfish to want your dad back to hold you and make you feel safe again.
Thinking of you today, and everyday xx
No it's not fair. Not at all.
nope, not fair
It isn't fair and you are not being selfish. There are no words that could possibly comfort you. (((hugs))) thinking of you
It's not enough of a comfort (even if you do believe in heaven). William belongs here with you in your arms. It's not fair.
Nothing about any of this is fair. I agree, it must be nice to have those beliefs as a comfort, but I want my baby here with me now and I want William here with you now.
Also wanted to chime in and say it's not fair.
I'm so sorry.
xo
OMG. Your posts break my heart every time. No, we can not ever see the "blessings" and I hate being reminded that there's supposed to be one in the midst of this horror. I'm so sorry you have double pain to contend with. I'm not sure why everyone on the outside always tries to see the silver lining in this mess. I've heard that a lot too "well at least so and so got to meet Logan"! No. That's BS! I WANTED TO MEET HIM, he was MY son. But, guess I'm selfish too. :s
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