Six week postpartum checkup today with the doctor who delivered William.
She wasn't "our" doctor - not the doctor I went to up until week twenty to get tests and ultrasounds. After that, we switched fully to our home birth midwife for prenatal care. This doctor happened to be the one on-call when we walked in the door on April 1 saying, "We can't find a heartbeat."
I'm really glad she was.
Although the appointment was rather strange up until she came into the room. The nurse who weighed me and took my blood pressure was very nervous. She couldn't look me in the eye for two seconds, she was incredibly fidgety, and after she went to get the blood pressure cuff, she came back and started apologizing profusely for putting me in a room that had a picture of a pregnant woman on the wall. Do you have a room without one, I wondered? It was an OB's office, after all!
M. and I tried hard to put her at ease, but I've never seen anyone react quite that way to our situation before. I think she was glad to get out of there.
The doctor, on the other hand, was very kind and compassionate and matter of fact. I gave her my "list" of questions and the blood tests I wanted run. She suggested, because of insurance (stupid insurance) that I get a referral to perinatalogist, who could justify and run all of the tests I wanted. So, that's the plan. Another few weeks before I get any blood tests and maybe some answers, I guess.
I know nothing can bring him back but I don't like living without knowing. And the worst part is... even if we run all the tests, we still may never know. But at least I can say I did everything I could to find out. I think I owe that to William. I suppose it's the least I can do now.
8 comments:
Gosh, I remember that postpartum visit. It was horrible!
I'm glad that you now have the ball rolling on the tests you want. Maybe then you will find just a little peace.
xo
My postpartum visit was horrible too! It was simply amazing to watch all the nurses and even the doctor walk on their tip-toes trying to NOT say something to upset me.
I think everyone's postpartum visit is horrible! We are the patient that those doctors and nurses dread.. the ones walking in there without babes in arms, huge happy smiles and all that! I ran all those blood tests too.. everything came back perfect! I had peace for some reason knowing even before he was out of my body, that I would never know why this happened.. I hope you find some answers, but it seems that in many cases there just are none. Huge Hugs!
My six week postpartum was with the OB who delivered my son. I've switched to have him my full time OB because of my medical history, since he knows everything from the day that went to hell. He's great. He was able to run blood tests (about 6, and I hate needles and drawing blood), and came back nothing. There really was no reason why my body failed him, it just did.
I hope you get some answers, and some sense of "why"- sort of. We'll never know why it happened to us, but at least we'll know what happened.
xoxoxo
my doc gave me a postpartum outside the postpartum hours, it was on the day of the general gyn clinic no, pregnant or baby new mums around) They were great, i have to say, did all the tests i could think of and they could think of, the main doc gave me his personal mobile, if I had anymore questions... printed out all blood results to take home with me (we're talking about 20-30 odd sheets of paper -I left with half a telephone book in a big manilla envelope)
It was very pleasant and compassionate.
...
I still don't know why. But that in itself is now an answer for me.
love, healing and peace to you
xx Ines
We never found out what caused Freyja's death. You're right. Not knowing is awful. But knowing is awful too (we found out why Kees died). But I know that you will want to have done everything possible to find out WHY.
I'm so glad that you had a compassionate doctor. We were fortunate in that respect as well. We have no idea what started Nicholas's labor, best guess was incompetent cervix. With Sophia, because they couldnt deliver the twin placenta, an infection started that started her labor 2w after her brother. With Alexander, it was incompetent cervix that was followed by my water breaking the next day and then placenta detachment 2 days later. Nothing they could do. Knowing, in some regards, makes it easier, worse in others. I'm not sure there is a happy answer- except that our babies are back.
We have a reason and it still sucks in a super-suckity way. I don't thinking any resolution will ever be satisfying, but it's still good to keep going and find out all that you can. I hope you get a good peri too. Mine was fantastic.
Post a Comment