The bills are rolling in.
First there was the bill from the ultrasound. The dead baby ultrasound. Then there was the pathology bill. The one for the examination of the placenta of the dead baby. Yesterday it was the bill from the obstetrician. For the delivery of the dead baby. Everyone wants payment for services rendered. And I truly can't imagine anything I'd resent paying for more than any of the above.
Oh, well, there was my son's cremation. Fifty dollars to cremate a five pound baby. I think it was somewhere in the neighborhood of $800 to cremate my father. M. stared at the $50 bill and then asked, sarcastically, "What? Do they charge by the pound?"
The injustices don't seem to end.
I recently discovered that, although we were required to fill out all the paperwork for William's death certificate, he will not be issued a birth certificate. According to the government, he was never born. He never lived. All those kicks and rolls and hiccups inside of me... what? Never happened? I imagined them? I imagined him?
Apparently, it's a pro-choice/pro-life issue. If a state issued a birth certificate for a 39-week-old "fetus" - they might have to issue a "birth" certificate for a 10-week-old one. You can imagine the disaster of an argument that might make, I'm sure.
So William has to pay for someone else's political argument. He is their sacrifice. Sweet, perfect baby, most certainly "alive" only twelve hours before his birth, perhaps twenty-four.
So instead of being issued a birth certificate, I had to pay for two - a stillbirth certificate (the state's consolation - I'm lucky to live in a place that offers one as most don't) and a death certificate.
The list of horrors we've had to pay for over the last six weeks, the cost of my son's death, just keep mounting.
And I'd give every damned penny I have or will ever have again, just to have him back.
12 comments:
Talk about kicking us when we're down, huh ... and yes, I know, I know we'd give every last penny to have them back. We'd give our limbs, our kidneys, anything ...
That's one thing I feel lucky for here in Australia, we didn't pay a cent for any of those things. There were funeral expenses yes, but our family had taken care of that before we'd even had time to reach for our wallets.
We get birth certificates here, but no death certificates. Her birth certificate does have the word "STILLBIRTH" plastered across the top, just in case I ever forget.
These are things us parents should never have to do, and I'm so sorry you have to do them as well. I wish my Hope was the last baby to die. Sadly, they just keep dying....
The absolute last thing you need... I am so, so sorry. Life is cruel.
Hang in there...xo
oh boy. i hear you. it is the worst. the week after her death i got a bill for her FIRST ultrasound (at 6 weeks) -- it had been rejected by my insurance co. seriously?? then chasing down her autopsy report and all the hoo-ha with the medical records dept. plus the parade of overdue co-pays... i'm so sorry. it is absolutely the WORST and if you feel like setting those bills on fire, no one would blame you.
is it possible you can ask a friend to handle this paperwork for you? put it all aside in a pile, hand her your checkbook, and have her sort, write checks, mail...? i have a friend who handled a few items for me this way and it was extremely helpful...
Beg, steal and borrow. I'd give my life to have my son back. I gave my heart to have him taken. It only seems fitting. There isn't enough money in the world. It seems so unfair that we have to pay even more than our lives for a dead baby. One would think we'd get a pass on this. A refund. A discount. But no, the bills keep coming. sigh.
I just kept nodding in agreement as if I wrote this myself. I HATE that our precious BABIES (not fetus as everyone calls them) are not issued BIRTH certificates...as if they never existed yet there are bills after bills of people wanting payment for services for them. It makes no sense! :(
We were billed $15 grand for the c-section and three day hospital stay- that included the anesthesia that knocked me out while they delivered him, and the morphine to help with the *physical* pain. And then more bills for the postpartum checkups, the $400 urn, the cremation, the funeral...etc. I would give anything if I could just have him back.
((hugs))
I'm so sorry. I found this stressful as well. V had an autopsy and I was terrified of what the bill for that would look like - what detail would be on it? In the end somehow we never got a bill for that and I never investigated. (((hugs)))
I hated this part of everything as well. Even though our babies were born alive because they only lived a few moments, we are still struggling to have birth certificates issued. No one wants to acknowledge a baby that "shouldnt" have lived by their timeline. It just adds agony to agony, but I refuse to stop. I dont care what they say. My BF reminds me that WE know they lived all those weeks and those seconds, so it shouldnt matter. But it does. To me, it does. And I agree with you... It's all because of someone else's political argument. It makes me sick.
Sending you hugs as you face this heartache as well. We are still getting minor bills, even 15 months out, from our twins' deliveries. It's hard to open each one.
Oh, it's so cruel when the bills have to be paid. I am so sorry. It's still so raw and agonizing for you. I swear the pain will dull a little with time.
The bills... tough.
As for the cremation, it may ave been a discount. Here, funeral home were offering low or free cremation for dead babies. I don;t know if that helps or not.
Yikes, I'm so sorry that you're dealing with all of this. Thankfully, the hospital waived all baby-related charges (autopsy, placental exam). Insurance covered my C/S and hospital stay. And the funeral home didn't charge anything for cremation and urn, which I think is standard practice for a child. We paid for the cemetary plot where we buried his urn. But Five months out, we got a bill for "resuscitation, newborn" that threw me into a tailspin. I couldn't believe I was being billed for my baby's failed resuscitation. That bill brought me to the ground in a heaving, sobbing mess. In the end, I had to add B to our health insurance and then have it canceled for the day after he was born/died. That got the charge covered.
I second the idea to have a friend help you figure out these details. It is too much to bear, especially so soon.
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